Library discussions bring men’s mental health to the surface

SALT LAKE CITY — Therapists have said it’s common for men to repress things like trauma, grief, stress and anxiety.

Now, a new weekly series of discussions at the Marmalade branch of the Salt Lake City Library located at 280 W. 500 North aims to help men bring it all to the surface.

Nick Steffens organized the series. A graduate student working through his clinical hours on the path to becoming a therapist, Steffens originally developed a passion for the topic in his teen years when he observed dynamics in his own family.

“I became really interested in the difference between my grandpa’s experience and my father’s experience in the world,” Steffens said, clinical intern, CMHC-I, with Red Willow Counseling & Recovery.

Steffens explained his grandfather had a “roadmap” — a myth or story that set expectations in his family about what it meant to be a successful man. Amid changing societal dynamics, he said his father struggled to navigate that change in a “meaningful and healthy way.”

“There was a lot of, kind of, outward blame,” Steffens said during an interview with KSL 5. “There was a lot of looking for things to describe what was going on, but there wasn’t a lot of internal reflection about how he could navigate this world that was different than the one he had seen his father, my grandfather navigate.”

Eventually, Steffens’ curiosity led him on his current professional journey and contributed to his desire to help men with their mental health.

“Everybody has a man in their life who could use a little help, who could use a little support,” Steffens said. “That might come up in isolation. It might come up in loneliness. It might come up through addiction, whether that be to a substance or something like video games. It might come up in just a depression.”

Steffens acknowledged it can take a long time for trauma and emotions to rise to the surface, noting the documented experience of the members of the rock band, Metallica, who eventually turned to group therapy.

“I believe Metallica, in a sense, are the greatest advocates for men’s mental health—not because they have these fancy degrees or they’re writing papers or whatnot, but what they’re doing is giving permission to seek help,” Steffens said.

Steffens said his group discussions, held every Wednesday at 6:00 p.m., have already been making a difference.

“We’ve had group members show up that have sat in the corner the first time, said nothing, and then come up at the end and said, ‘I haven’t felt relaxed in years and I’m realizing now just in listening to other men talk that this pressure and this feeling that I’ve had isn’t unique to me,’ and that this is a shared experience, and just acknowledging that pressure that had built inside for how many years, was enough to kind of take that next step," Steffens related.

Steffens said a good initial indication someone needs help isn’t always a massive sign, and can even be when they ask, ‘what is going on with me.’

He believed the group discussions might help others if they give them a try, possibly giving men permission to explore what’s going on inside their heads.

“There’s a real power in groups because what it really does is it’s showing that we share a lot of experiences,” Steffens said. “We share a lot of struggles and we’re not alone in this.”

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