'Our beliefs are going to change': Meri Brown of 'Sister Wives' reflects on life in her Utah home

PAROWAN — If there's one thing Meri Brown wants people to know, it's that life is subject to change. If there's another, it's the importance of loving all the versions of yourself that got you to where you are today.

"Our thoughts and our beliefs are going to change, and that's OK," Brown said in an interview with KSL. "I think people forget that we get to change our minds, and if it doesn't work for us, then pivot and do something different."

Brown is largely known as one of the wives from the longstanding TLC show "Sister Wives," which showcased her life as a polygamous wife to Cody Brown. In fact, she was the first wife in the union that would add three more wives.

The show first aired in 2010, with the goal of showing that "plural marriage can work," she said.

Meri Brown is one of three women, including Janelle Brown and Christine Brown, who have all since split from Cody Brown, leaving one wife, Robyn Brown, still married to him.

Even with the plural marriages now dissolved, the reality TV show has continued, with its 21st season having premiered this month. However, Cody and Robyn Brown have since left the show.

"People have seen me have some really dark times, people have seen me not at my best, and people have seen me really sad and struggle," Meri Brown said.

She described a period of self-diagnosed agoraphobia in which she was "too scared to leave her house."

"I feel like over the past few years, I've really done a lot of work on myself to come out of that," she said, adding that she felt like in order to heal, she needed to face her fear of being seen.

"When we have experiences that are hurtful or painful or traumatic, we don't want to go back into that space," she said. "We don't want to feel that pain, and we don't want to do it intentionally. Sometimes just facing that fear is what we need to do to get through it, and that's just what I felt like I needed to do."

Stepping into the public eye was subtle at first, and she began by selling clothing online. She then created a personal development platform called Worthy Up.

As those businesses grew, she began to think back to her roots, which were largely planted in the small town of Parowan in Iron County.

"My grandmother grew up here in Parowan in an old family home that was built in 1870," she said. "My great-great-grandparents built it, and then it was passed to their son, who had nine living children that were raised in the home."

She explained that the home was passed down through generations but was eventually sold and turned into a bed-and-breakfast. When it became available for purchase in 2017, she wanted to buy it to keep it in the family.

"When I was getting into my adulthood, I realized how special this home was," she said. "I always had in the back of my mind that the house just needed to be back in family. I didn't know how it was going to happen or when it was going to happen, but it was just the thought that it needs to be back in the family."

Living in that home in Parowan, which she is currently renovating, she said, has helped her sit with past and current versions of herself. And as she looks back at her life, she has no regrets, she said.

"I absolutely don't regret living my life the way that I did," she said. "I don't regret marrying my ex when I was 19 years old and having the life and the family that I did. I even don't regret staying in my marriage as long as I did because it taught me so many things about myself.

"Doing the show completely opened up my life and our whole family into a world that we wouldn't have known otherwise because the polygamist community is very closed and private and hidden," she added.

Polygamy, she said, is a belief and lifestyle she has left behind, adding that she hopes sharing her journey will show others that it's OK to change, no matter how hard it may seem.

"I think so many times we get so stuck in thinking, 'Well, this is what I chose and so I have to stick with,'" she said. "It's so important to really look at ourselves and really feel what it is we're being drawn to and just honoring that within us and making the change if we need to."

At 55 years old, Meri Brown said she is loving life in her family home in Parowan, which she has plans to open up to the public in the near future as an event venue. She said this stage of life is also subject to change.

"I don't know where I'm going to land permanently," she said. "I don't know that I'm going to live in Parowan for the rest of my life, but right now, I'm just enjoying being here and seeing what else happens."

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