Stay connected, allow autonomy. 4 healthy ways to communicate with your college kids

SALT LAKE CITY — "Call me," you say, and you desperately hope they will! But what does healthy communication actually look like when your college kid moves out?

It's one of the concerns KSL parenting contributor Heather Johnson said parents need to understand as these older students take on a transition that affects the entire family. She shared a few specific things parents can do to help college students go back successfully.

Parents often focus on the logistics like classes, roommates, schedules and move-in day. But Johnson said that students are maybe more concerned about an identity shift. Away from family routines and familiar environments, they worry about figuring out who they are on their own.

Another common concern is homesickness. Johnson said parents sometimes see that as a sign that they weren't ready to go.

"That's not what it means," she said. "It means they came from a meaningful relationship."

Students are also asking themselves practical questions. Can they handle daily responsibilities? Can they manage schoolwork, their social life and living on their own?

"No matter how independent they've been under our roof, it is completely different when they're on their own," Johnson emphasized.

College Students' Mental Health

One of the biggest concerns for both students and parents is mental health.

"We know that anxiety is on the rise," Johnson explained. "Three-fourths of mental health concerns show up before the age of 24."

College years often overlap with significant emotional and psychological development. Students are navigating academic pressure, new independence and social change all at once. Understanding that can help parents and students create more realistic expectations and stronger support systems.

The Family Dynamic Will Change, and That's Okay

College isn't just a transition for students. It's a transition for parents, siblings and families too.

"The whole family role shifts," Johnson explained. "The whole family will feel it."

She said we can look at that negatively or, we can take a different approach.

"We can look at it and go, this is an opportunity for us to be intentional about the relationships we want moving forward," she said. "It's actually a really cool opportunity for our family to get closer. The key is intentionality."

Update Communication Patterns

One of the biggest adjustments parents need to make is the way we communicate with our college student.

"The way we communicated at home won't work the same when we're not living under the same roof," Johnson said.

She said not to assume what communication should look like, but to ask your student directly. That conversation helps create expectations that work for both parents and kids.

"The key here is to let your college student lead," Johnson emphasized.

Update Family Rituals

Just because children move away doesn't mean family traditions have to disappear, but some should evolve.

"Family rituals are what deepen connection," Johnson emphasized.

Family dinners, weekend activities and daily routines might not happen in the same way, but we can still create meaningful patterns of connection repeatedly, even though we're in different places.

Understand Normal Adjustment

The first few weeks away can be hard, but Johnson said there's no need for parents to panic. Some adjusting is completely normal.

"It takes about six weeks for an adjustment to happen," she explained.

Feelings of homesickness and uncertainty are common as students settle into their new environment. But, there are signs that can point something more serious. Johnson said to pay attention if students stop going to class, don't go out with friends or express hopelessness often.

"If you're sensing those things there is a real concern," she said.

Support Autonomy While Staying Connected

Johnson emphasized that parents need to avoid rescuing.

"Letting them solve their own problems, but always be emotionally available," she explained.

Students will call home with frustrations and fears. Parents can listen, validate and support, but they shouldn't try to solve everything.

"You're gonna have a conversation, an emotionally based support conversation," Johnson said. "And then you're gonna let them be autonomous and figure it out."

This story was adapted from a TV broadcast script using artificial intelligence. Every story, including those adapted with AI, is reviewed by a human editor before publication to ensure that KSL's editorial standards are upheld.