Utah's new support network for children grieving death of parent

TAYLORSVILLE — Since his dad died two years ago, Abel Hardman, now 11, has been hearing stories about how funny his dad was and what great jokes he told. People tell him that Kyle Hardman, who was 42 when he died of complications of an infection, was really kind to everyone around him.

Mostly they tell the boy how much his dad loved the child whom he called "Bubba."

Abel doesn't need anyone to tell him how much he loves and misses his dad. When Hardman and his wife, Trina Supp, separated, they remained very good friends. But she and Abel stayed in Utah, and he went to Arizona, coming back as often as he could "so we could do a bunch of stuff together," Abel said. "And he made sure to call me almost every day."

The first year after the death, the boy and his mom kind of stumbled through in a fog and weren't doing very well, Supp said. When a friend who'd also suffered a loss suggested grief counseling, they signed up and began the process of collecting themselves.

Supp said she learned at The Sharing Place that she had been going through things she didn't know she needed to process. So, likely, was Abel.

But it didn't have to be so hard, and they should have had help navigating the aftermath of loss sooner, according to officials and the cofounder of a nonprofit who say that Utah has found a better way and is becoming a blueprint for the nation.

Tuesday, Abel and Supp spoke at a press conference at The Sharing Place to raise awareness of Utah's initiative connecting bereaved families with a 211 Utah navigator who can help them figure out grief support and other aids. The Beehive State is the first to dive into the program, in a partnership with the Children's Collaborative for Healing Support based in Washington, D.C., and the New York Life Foundation.

Cox calls for voluntary checkbox

Gov. Spencer Cox signed an executive order that launched the program, which starts by choosing to check a box on the death certificate that indicates there's a child left behind by the death. Since the checkbox was included on the form in July 2023, 1,599 deceased individuals were identified as having surviving minor children. An estimated 63,000 Utah children will lose a parent before age 18.

According to Catherine Jaynes, executive director of the collaborative, roughly 1 in 15 children will experience the death of a parent or caregiver before they're 18.

"Too often, these children return to school carrying the weight of that loss without anyone knowing it. After the death of a parent, families may experience both food and financial insecurity. Students may have a disruption in school performance and trauma related to that grief. Places like The Sharing Place are ready to help children and their surviving caregiver to process grief, but too many families don't know that this resource is even here for them," she said.

There's a lot at stake for the families if they don't know what next steps are after the trauma of such a loss. For instance, most children qualify for Social Security benefits, which average about $1,100 a month, but families may not even know they exist, so millions go uncollected.

When schools don't know that a child is suffering a loss, behavior changes; slipping grades and other challenges that could be addressed are not. And grief support that could introduce families to a community of others who understand what they're going through might never be on the radar at all.

The checkbox can be the start of something entirely different, she said, and Utah is leading the way.

Checking a box helps

In Utah, checking the box can now unleash the efforts of an entire partnership that includes United Way's 211 service navigators and, in some cases, Granite School District, if that's where a student goes to school.

It identifies the family, who will first receive a letter from the Department of Health and Human Services to say that help is available. Utah put $400,000 in one-time money into making that happen.

Granite's 2024 back-to-school forms have their own checkbox, and the 211 navigators began contacting those who marked it this year, offering the families help finding their way through the resources available to them, including applying for Social Security survivor benefits and other help. They also connect families to grief programs and potential financial support, as many families struggle financially, especially if the person who died was a wage earner.

Per the letter provided by 211, which is a United Way program, navigators can help connect families to:

• Grief counseling and mental health support.
• Financial assistance.
• Child care and education support.
• Legal assistance.
• Food assistance.
• Health care services.
• Funeral and burial assistance.
• Social Security and survivor benefits, pensions or other programs for dependents.

"Utah is known for being able to take on these types of challenges in collaborating and making sure that the needs of our youth and our families are very clearly being met, and this is a small piece of that equation, but it's making a real big difference already for these families," said Tracy Gruber, director of the Utah Department of Health and Human Services.

How the collaborative started

The Children's Collaborative for Healing and Support evolved from an effort that began during the pandemic, when thousands of children lost at least one parent to the illness. John Bridgeland, former director of the U.S. Domestic Policy Council, launched the COVID Collaborative, but he and Jaynes co-founded the healing and support program when they realized that all children who lost a parent or caregiver needed the support and guidance, regardless of the parent's cause of death.

The New York Life Foundation got behind the idea of doing a pilot program and Cox and Utah immediately saw the value, Jaynes said.

"Utah demonstrated what is possible when leaders come together with a shared vision ensuring that no grieving child is left behind without care, support and resources they need to heal and move forward," she said.

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