Estimated read time: 3-4 minutes
KEARNS — When Aussie Marie met Joe in 2020, things just clicked.
"He had the biggest heart. Every day was an adventure," she said. "It felt like that fairytale romance and love that every little girl wants."
Just months before he was set to graduate from college in 2021, Joe took his own life.
"He was just, he was just gone," Marie recalled.
She said she had no idea her boyfriend was struggling. To her, he was the happiest, most loving guy.
"I can play the 'I wish' game all day, but I wish he would've said something, reached out. I also wish I would've said something. That's the other side of the coin," she said.
Research shows that one in 10 men experience depression or anxiety, but less than half seek treatment.
"Men are often taught that we don't talk about this. You just endure, you've got to suck it up. We've got to be tough," said Jeffrey Ainsa, a licensed social worker and Clinical Director for EvolvedMD.
Ainsa said the pressure to "man up" can make men feel the need to mask their feelings, leading to a loss of hope. Any age can be affected.
According to the CDC, men aged 75 years and older face the highest overall rate of suicide.
"Some of the patients we're seeing that are older are really talking about things for the first time in their life," Ainsa said.
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Ainsa suggested looking for signs in loved ones of withdrawal or loss of interest. Give them a space to open up. Even asking a simple question like, "How are you?" can have an impact.
"When people genuinely can see that we're connecting with them, that all we're trying to do is connect and we're going to spend that time with them, that's going to open the door a little bit for people to feel a little more comfortable to be like, 'Okay, maybe this safe and I can talk about this,'" Ainsa said.
For Marie, grief has been a long process. But she holds on to the promise she made at his funeral, that she would live her life to the fullest. And she's spreading a message of hope.
"You're not alone, even if it feels like it at times and looks like it," she said. "You might be coming to the end of a chapter in life, but you don't want to put down your own book."
If you or someone you know is in need of immediate help, call or text the 988 Suicide Crisis Lifeline.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or exhibiting warning signs, call, text, or chat the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 which is answered 24/7/365 by crisis counselors at the Huntsman Mental Health Institute . All calls to legacy crisis hotlines, including the old National Suicide Prevention hotline, 1-800-273-8255, will also connect to a crisis care worker at the Huntsman Mental Health Institute as well.
Suicide prevention resources
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, call 988 to connect with the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Crisis hotlines
- Huntsman Mental Health Institute Crisis Line: 801-587-3000
- SafeUT Crisis Line: 833-372-3388
- 988 Suicide and Crisis LifeLine at 988
- Trevor Project Hotline for LGBTQ teens: 1-866-488-7386
Online resources
- NAMI Utah: namiut.org
- SafeUT: safeut.org
- Suicide Prevention Lifeline: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Utah chapter: afsp.org/chapter/utah
What to do if you see warning signs of suicide
- Do not leave the person alone
- Remove any firearms, alcohol, drugs or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt
- Call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255)
- Take the person to an emergency room or seek help from a medical or mental health professional
