4 rules that will actually help you get through a hard time

SALT LAKE CITY — Life brings trials, we know this. We are all living it, some carrying heavier burdens than others, but no matter what's on your plate, Dr. Matt Townsend said we can do any trial better.

He shared four rules for hard times from a book you may have heard of: Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher and Holocaust survivor.

Everybody Needs a Why, Not Just a Plan

A plan can help you organize your next step, but having a purpose helps you keep going when things get hard. Dr. Townsend explained that some people in Frankl's concentration camp had reached a point where they felt they had nothing left. "I have nothing else to expect from life," they would say.

Frankl challenged that perspective with a different question. "Well, what does life have to expect from you?" Dr. Townsend explained.

Purpose can come from many places: children, relationships, service, faith, contribution or future goals. Whatever yours is, having a meaningful reason to keep moving forward changes how you move through trials.

"If you have a why to live for, you can bear with any how," Dr. Townsend emphasized.

When You Can't Control Your Circumstances, Work On Your Response

Life brings situations we never asked for and can't control. Illness, job loss, grief, disappointment and setbacks come without warning. Dr. Townsend said to shift your attention toward the one thing that will always be yours: your response.

"You can only control so much in life," he explained. "And when you can't control it, that's okay. Then just go back to the most basic thing you can control, which is your response."

The 3 Doors to Access Meaning in Life

"There's three places you could look to pretty quickly find meaning," Dr. Townsend explained.

Door One: Creating

Creation doesn't necessarily mean art or work. It can mean building a relationship, writing down family stories, serving others or creating a legacy.

"If you're sick, then go create a legacy for your children to see," Dr. Townsend said.

Creating something meaningful will remind you that you still have influence and value.

Door Two: Experiencing

"Share the experience of living with other people," Dr. Townsend said.

He shared one of Frankl's stories from the concentration camps, where prisoners would gather after a difficult day to just watch the sunset together. As basic as that sounds, sharing that experience created meaning. It reminded them that beauty, connection and humanity still existed.

Meaning can also be found in relationships, nature, community and moments that help us feel connected to something larger than ourselves.

Door Three: Attitude

"You can just work on your attitude about the given set of circumstances," Dr. Townsend explained.

Even when the situation is difficult, choosing gratitude, humility, courage or perspective creates a very different experience than resentment, hopelessness or bitterness would.

"In any one of those three things, you're going to find a little bit more meaning, a little bit more joy," he said.

You Can Always Find a Higher Purpose For Your Suffering

When suffering is connected to something valuable, it can transform.

"If you could turn it into something really interesting like, 'I'm going to leave a legacy,'" Dr. Townsend explained.

A difficult diagnosis might be an opportunity to teach children resilience. A challenging season might become a chance to model courage. A personal loss might inspire service to others.

"Once you have that purpose, all of the sudden the pain and the suffering is no longer," Dr. Townsend said. "It now actually has power to create legacy."

The hardship itself doesn't disappear, but its meaning changes.

Find more advice from Dr. Matt Townsend at matttownsend.com.

This story was adapted from a TV broadcast script using artificial intelligence. Every story, including those adapted with AI, is reviewed by a human editor before publication to ensure that KSL's editorial standards are upheld.