Estimated read time: 3-4 minutes
SALT LAKE CITY — Connor Ingram was done.
In January 2021, the Utah goalkeeper woke up in a Dallas hotel and just wanted to go home. He had been living with undiagnosed obsessive-compulsive disorder that resulted in excess drinking, anxiety issues and loneliness.
At that point, he was ready to call it quits.
The COVID-19 pandemic hadn't helped matters, either, but it did give him an avenue for help. Ingram was on the Nashville Predators taxi squad — a reserve squad created to help avoid COVID-19 game postponements. So when Ingram approached his goaltender coach that night in Dallas, he was given another option: Don't go home, go get help.
He got it.
On Thursday, Ingram was named a finalist for the Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy awarded to the player who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey.
He went from almost retiring to becoming the top goalie for the Utah NHL franchise. Last season in Arizona, Ingram posted a 23-21-3 record, with a .907 save percentage and tied for a league-best six shutouts.
So what changed?
On Jan. 25, 2021, Ingram entered the NHL/NHLPA player assistance program. Through the program, he spent 40 days at a mental health treatment center in California.
"You can't enter the program unless you're in the NHL, and I've never been in the NHL," he said. "I was lucky enough I was on the taxi squad during COVID. So technically, that's why I was allowed to go. Players in the American League or the other leagues, we can't access it, so I didn't know it existed."
He's glad it does, though. In the program, he learned he had OCD, and suddenly he could connect all the dots.
As a young kid, he obsessed with finishing homework assignments — even completing projects that took days without a break. Later on, if he started a 12-pack of beer, he couldn't stop until he had finished it. He was constantly worried about germs and being infected, which led to isolation and fear.
All of that was brought on by OCD.
"I don't really have a clean apartment or care what way the labels are looking, so I didn't know that OCD had other forms," he said.
In therapy, he learned what was happening to him and how to not give into his compulsion. He went through extensive exposure therapy by going into public places and touching door knobs, and he recorded his compulsion in a diary to track how long he could between each one.
"It's scary and intimidating, but once you get there, it's time to put your work boots on and get better," Ingram said.
He got better.
That summer, he sold his house in his hometown of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, and went to Nashville. The move was symbolic in a sense. A few months earlier, he wanted to move back home full time and give up on hockey. He ended up doing just the opposite.
"I had a great sports psychologist. I had the people in Nashville to help me," he said. "So I knew that was going to be a better place for me to restart and kind of get my feet back underneath me."
He has since found his footing — both in life and in the NHL. And he's trying to help others do the same.
"There was no choice to be private about it, and I figured once it was out there, why not just tell your story and see if it helps somebody else," he said. "I'm not the only guy that deals with things like this. And I think that's kind of what we need to realize is almost everybody's gonna go through something like this at some point in their life and why can't we talk about it?"
He's talking, and he's hopeful some good will come out of those discussions.
"I never really pictured myself as a guy that was going to make a difference," he said when asked about the Masteron trophy last month. "At the end of the day, if none of you guys remember how I play but one of you got your kids in therapy, we might save a life along the way."
