Stuck in a thinking trap? 4 ways to break out of a worry loop

SALT LAKE CITY — Worry has a way of looping in our brain, and when you're a parent, that worry loop can feel like a never-ending merry-go-round. They failed a test. They didn't make the team. They're struggling with friends. The list goes on.

KSL Parenting Contributor Heather Johnson said those thinking traps can hurt us and our kids. She called this "parental rumination."

"Ruminating is this space where we're overthinking, and we're overthinking in a way that is going to our negative emotions, the things we're worried about, and our past events or experiences," she said. "We're gonna dwell on them, and we're just gonna let it run and run."

She explained that rumination is actually a habit.

"The thought isn't the problem. It's that we've created a habit of thinking and it's the habit that's the problem," Johnson emphasized.

She also noted that good parenting doesn't not mean constantly worrying. We tend to think that the more we worry, the better parent we are.

"That's not true," Johnson said. "It gets in the way of our ability to be present and the message that we send then to our kids is that we don't care. That's what they hear when we're not present with them."

Our constant worry can trickle down to our kids.

"They then grab onto this emotional state we have of worry, and it becomes theirs as they get older," she explained. "They feel responsible for our emotions."

Johnson said the biggest damage rumination does is it teaches kids that everything is a catastrophe.

"Most things are everyday opportunities to learn and grow, but we turn them into catastrophes," she explained. "Now we're raising kids that are like, 'Well, everything in my life is a catastrophe.'"

Johnson shared four strategies that will help you get out of a worry loop.

Ask a Concrete Question

Johnson explained that rumination thrives when it's abstract. It fills our minds with what-ifs and unanswered questions. To interrupt that, make your worries actionable.

"We've got to get it concrete," she said. "What's one thing I can do tomorrow to attend to this concern?"

You might make a phone call, send a text or gather information, but it doesn't have to solve everything. You just need to move from worrying to doing.

"Now we've gone from abstract to concrete," Johnson said.

Brain Purge

Forcing yourself not to think about something doesn't work.

"If I'm ruminating and I say, 'Well, just stop thinking about it,' we will keep thinking about it," Johnson emphasized. "It's like someone saying, 'Don't look at the elephant.'"

She recommended doing a brain purge. Get a notebook, set a timer for eight minutes and write all your thoughts out on paper. When the timer goes off, close the book, put it away and walk away.

"Our brain hangs onto all of these thoughts because it's afraid if it lets it go, that they won't be attended to," she explained. "When you write it all down, your brain says, 'I don't have to think about it anymore because it's captured.'"

Interrupt the Thinking Pattern

You can stop rumination by doing something with your body.

"To interrupt, do something physical," Johnson said. "Do pushups. Go hold an ice cube that's cold until it melts."

Those physical sensations force your brain to redirect its attention and stop the thinking pattern. Even a short physical interruption can create enough distance from the worry loop for you to regain some perspective.

Play the "So What" Game

"Ask yourself what the worst case scenario is, and then ask yourself, 'So what if that happens?'" Johnson said. "Now what we've done is ... we've told ourselves we can handle a worst case scenario."

This exercise helps you name your biggest fears, work through them and realize that you can handle them.

This story originally aired on KSL TV and has been reformatted for a digital audience using artificial intelligence.