Confidence comes from doing. 4 ways to stop waiting and build up your confident muscle

SALT LAKE CITY — We've all talked ourselves out of something because we didn't feel ready, qualified or confident enough. But it turns out confidence isn't where change begins. Confidence grows when we take that first small step.

Dr. Matt Townsend shared four ways to create the confidence you want.

Your Past Is Not Your Potential

Dr. Townsend said believing the past predicts your future quietly limits your growth before it even starts.

"Your past is not your future," he said. "It's not your potential."

Maybe you weren't athletic, outgoing or successful in a certain area as a child. You might build your identity around those things you struggled with. Dr. Townsend said those old experiences are an unnecessary ceiling.

"Just because you couldn't do it when you were eight doesn't mean you can't do it when you're 28 or 38 or 48," he emphasized.

That doesn't mean the past has no value. Dr. Townsend said the past is a great informer, but use it as information, not as a permanent definition of who you are.

A Little Belief Leads to a Little More Proof

It's common to think that confidence comes first and action comes second. Dr. Townsend said real growth actually works the other way around. He compared it to headlights on a car.

"Just a little belief leads to a lot of proof," he emphasized. "You don't need to see the whole road. You just need to see a few feet in front of you."

That small amount of belief is enough to help you get started. You don't need to be completely certain. You just need enough confidence to take the very next step.

"Believe a little bit," Dr. Townsend emphasized. "Then once you believe, go act on it and see if you can't build the proof that you can do it."

Build the Staircase of Belief

"A perfect metaphor for how to build your confidence is a staircase," Dr. Townsend said.

Most of the time, you're standing at the bottom and focusing on the top. You worry about mastering something before you've even started. Dr. Townsend said to just focus on the very next step. He used learning pickleball as an example. You're not going to be great immediately. You just start playing.

"When you try it, you'll start to feel a little small win," he said.

Maybe you successfully hit the ball. Maybe all you do is show up to the court. Either way, a small win creates evidence of success.

"Now we've got enough of a win that I can believe a little bit more," Dr. Townsend explained.

Confidence grows through that cycle: belief, action, proof, repeat.

1. Believe a little
2. Try a little
3. Get a small win
4. Believe a little more
5. Try Something Bigger

The reason the staircase works is because every time you succeed, you build momentum.

"We take one little step, get some confidence, get the validation, get the proof that we can do it, and then we're gonna do it again," Dr. Townsend said.

Don't expect to be perfect immediately. Focus on the incremental progress. One step leads to another. Small victories become larger victories.

Every staircase has difficult steps. Confidence building is no different.

"When you get stuck on a stair, you don't have to give up," Dr. Townsend emphasized. "Don't quit. Just try it again tomorrow."

He explained that we have learned to avoid situations where we might struggle.

"If we're not gonna be good at something, we don't wanna invest our time and our effort into it," he said. "What that teaches us to do is to always avoid."

When avoidance is our pattern, we never build up confidence.

"When you get confident in the fact that you can really get good at anything over time, you just have to give yourself the time to do it," Dr. Townsend said. "Then now you can know that you can handle any situation and grow as you go."

Find more advice from Dr. Matt Townsend at matttownsend.com.