This confidence trap doesn't disappear with age. How to stop worrying what other people think

SALT LAKE CITY — It's a confidence trap that doesn't disappear with age. No matter how old we get, most of us still wonder what people think of us. How we're being perceived, whether we're measuring up, and what others might be saying when we're not in the room.

No matter our success, status or stage of life, worrying about how we're perceived can create real insecurities. Life Coach Tiffany Peterson said the fear of being judged often shows up right before a meaningful opportunity.

"I want to share something or be something or go after something or change something in my life," she explained. Then comes the pause. "Am I going to be judged?"

She said this internal dialogue is part of being human and instead of treating it like a weakness, we should recognize how common it actually is.

"It's so, so, so common," she noted. "Everyone, for the most part, is navigating that."

Peterson said the fear of other people's opinions points to something deeper. Human beings are wired for connection and belonging. The concern isn't just that someone might disagree with us. It's what that disagreement could mean.

"Am I going to be judged? And does that judgment mean I get kicked out of the tribe?" Peterson said. "Does the judgment mean I'm no longer invited or I'm included?"

This fear is rooted in human history.

"You had to be in with the tribe to survive," Peterson noted. "What's really going on is I'm afraid of that judgment and I'm afraid that judgment might equal loss."

Peterson shared how to build the courage muscle to be true to ourselves.

Get Curious About Fear Instead of Running From It

Everyone experiences fear, and we usually want to run from it. Peterson said to respond with curiosity instead.

"What's this about for me?" she said to ask. "Normalize it and just say, 'Okay, fear.' Rather than running from the fear, get curious about it."

Be Tender to Yourself

Peterson said to improve the conversations we have with ourselves.

"Sometimes we can be our worst critic," she said. "We can be rough on ourselves and say ... 'What are you doing?' And 'Why are you so insecure about this?'"

She emphasized being more kind to ourselves with our inner self-talk. It won't eliminate fear, but it does create a healthier environment for working through it.

Anchor Yourself to Your Why

When fear starts getting loud, Peterson said to reconnect with the reason you're doing something in the first place.

"Being anchored to your why," she said. "Why are you going to share that thing? Why are you starting that business?"

It's easier to move forward when your purpose is stronger than your fear around it.

You Don't Need Confidence First

"Courage or bravery aren't just feelings," Peterson emphasized. "They're literally a choice."

We often wait to feel ready to take a step, but she said to move forward regardless of fear. Action is what actually creates confidence.

"Take the fear by the hand and take the action anyway," she emphasized. "I like to say, 'Do what's scared sometimes.'"

You don't need to completely get rid of fear. You just need to stop allowing it to make the decisions.

Find more advice from Tiffany Peterson on Instagram, @tiffpeterson.

This story originally aired on KSL TV and has been reformatted for a digital audience using artificial intelligence.