It's not the phone, it's why they reach for it. 3 ways parents can focus on teens mental health

SALT LAKE CITY — Mental health is something parents worry a lot about with their kids, especially teenagers, and for good reason. But the things we worry about aren't always the real concern.

KSL Parenting Contributor Heather Johnson shared why our teenagers' mental health is so important, three things parents obsess over and what they should be focused on instead.

"We wanna take a step back and really ask ourselves… is it helping or hurting their mental health?" Johnson said. "Because often it's hurting them."

Worry: Phones

Focus instead: Why do they reach for phones in the first place?

Screen time is at the top of most of our parenting lists, but Johnson said we are spending too much energy counting minutes instead of understanding the actual behavior.

"We put so much emphasis on monitoring every single minute that our kids spend on their phones," she said. "They hear that we don't understand them. They hear that we don't trust them."

She recommended putting our energy into better understanding and helping them understand why they're going to their phone so often in the first place.

"Kids and teenagers grab their phones for so many reasons," Johnson noted. "Stress. They feel lonely. They have homework they don't wanna tackle or don't know how to do. They're bored."

Understanding their motivations leads to more productive conversations than just enforcing time limits.

Worry: Reducing risk in their lives

Focus instead: How do they navigate risk?

Parents naturally want to protect their kids, but Johnson said trying to get rid of every obstacle unintentionally limits teens' growth. She said we should work on teaching them how to navigate risk and preparing them for reality.

"One of the ways is to simply have them start trying risky," she explained. "We're talking about everyday life risks, being by themselves, making decisions alone."

Parents still give support, but we allow kids to build confidence when they take everyday risks.

"Let them try and assure them that we'll be close by, just in case they need some help," Johnson emphasized.

Worry: Bad grades

Focus instead: Can they problem solve, think critically and bounce back from bad grades?

School and grades is another area where parents can unintentionally create emotional strain on their teens. When grades become our primary focus, teens can start to connect their worth to their performance.

"We look at grades and we know that they impact their future," Johnson said. "We let them feel or put them in a position where they start to feel like they're only accepted if they get good grades."

She emphasized that this can be especially damaging during the teenage years, a stage when kids are already emotionally sensitive.

"Teenagers want more than anything to know that there's emotional stability with their parents," Johnson explained. "That they're accepted regardless of how they show up."

Instead of only celebrating the outcome, she said to recognize their effort.

"Be sure that when you're talking to your teenagers, you're praising not the outcome, not the grade, but the effort or the energy or the sacrifice that they made," Johnson said. "Make mistakes okay. We all make them, and our teenagers are gonna make them too."

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or exhibiting warning signs, call, text, or chat the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 which is answered 24/7/365 by crisis counselors at the Huntsman Mental Health Institute. All calls to legacy crisis hotlines, including the old National Suicide Prevention hotline, 1-800-273-8255, will also connect to a crisis care worker at the Huntsman Mental Health Institute as well.

Additional resources

• SafeUT: Parents, students, and educators can connect with a licensed crisis counselor through chat by downloading the SafeUT app or by calling 833-3SAFEUT (833-372-3388)
• SafeUT Frontline: First responders, including firefighters, law enforcement, EMS, and healthcare professionals can chat with a licensed crisis counselor at no cost 24/7/365 by downloading the SafeUT Frontline app.
• SafeUTNG: Members of the National Guard can chat with a licensed crisis counselor at no cost 24/7/365 by downloading the SafeUTNG app.
• Utah Warm Line: For non-crisis situations, when you need a listening ear as you heal and recover from a personal struggle, call 1-833 SPEAKUT 8:00 a.m.-11:00 p.m., 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
• The Huntsman Mental Health Institute offers a wide variety of programs and services including suicide prevention and crisis services, hospital treatment, therapy & medication management, substance Use & addiction recovery, child & teen programs, and maternal mental health services including birth trauma, pregnancy loss, infertility, and perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.
• LiveOnUtah.org is a statewide effort to prevent suicide by promoting education, providing resources, and changing Utah's culture around suicide and mental health. They offer resources for faith based groups, LGBTQ+, youth, employers, firearm suicide prevention, and crisis and treatment options.

Counties in Utah provide services for mental health and substance use disorders. Centers are run by the thirteen Local Mental Health and Substance Use Authorities all across the state and offer therapy, substance use disorder treatment, support groups, mobile services, youth treatment, and more.

These resources and more information can be found here: https://www.utahcounties.org/for-counties-pages/behavioral-health-resources

Other community-based resources:

• NAMI Utah provides education, support and advocacy for individuals and families impacted by mental illness.
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offers prevention programs, public education, support for loss survivors, and fundraising for research.
• Encircle Utah: LGBTQ+ family and youth resource center.
• Utah Pride Center empowers Utah's diverse LGBTQ+ community.
• The Trevor Project: LGBTQ teen resource center.
• U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Mental Health
• Latino Behavioral Health Services
• Center for Workplace Mental Health offers suicide prevention and response for employers.

This story was adapted from a TV broadcast script using artificial intelligence. Every story, including those adapted with AI, is reviewed by a human editor before publication to ensure that KSL's editorial standards are upheld.

Related topics