The relationship trap you've already fallen into and 4 questions to help you reset

SALT LAKE CITY — Back to school is a good time to get back to your marriage.

Dr. Matt Townsend shared a back-to-school relationship reset.

Do a Mental Load Reset

Guiding question: What is one hidden load I can help relieve my partner of this week?

Besides the physical, day-to-day tasks, relationships carry an invisible layer of planning, remembering and managing. One partner may be tracking everything without the other fully realizing it.

"A lot of times in our marriages, we're not carrying an equal load of mental energy about the kids, about the schedules, about the carpools, about all of that," Dr. Townsend explained. "Let's divide them up. Let's each take some ownership."

Even small acts of support can lighten a burden that feels invisible.

Make Time for "Logistics Free" Connection

Guiding question: What makes me feel most connected to my partner on a daily basis?

Dr. Townsend said a lot of couples spend most of their conversations talking about logistics. While conversations about schedules and responsibilities are necessary, they can't be your only connection points.

"I want you to find a ritual every day," he said. "Maybe 20 minutes, where you two can just go hang, talk, and just talk about the good," he said. "I want you to have a chance to connect and just finally relax with each other."

Reset Your Tech Boundaries to Restore Attention

Guiding question: What can we do with our technology to pay more attention to each other?

Parents make screen time rules for kids, and Dr. Townsend said couples should make some for themselves. Technology can sneak into the places where connection used to happen. Bedtime conversations become scrolling sessions. Quiet moments become screen time.

"This is a good time to sit down and reset your boundaries," Dr. Townsend explained. "20 minutes before bed, 30 minutes before bed, the phones go to bed, and we are just gonna be together."

Plan One New Relationship-Elevating Goal for the New Year

Guiding question: What is one thing we can work on that would dramatically impact our sense that we are a team?

Dr. Townsend said not to start your relationship reset by identifying everything that's wrong. He said to focus on one goal as a couple.

"What you don't want us to do is write this long list of things that we need to fix," he explained. "What if this year you two created a relationship goal? What's the one just gnarly, awesome thing you two want to get better at this year?"

He also said to come up with a plan for how you're going to accomplish that goal. That could look like reading books together, going to workshops, taking classes or just creating regular opportunities to practice new habits.

Dr. Townsend said couples can get caught up in trying to maintain their relationship and not enough time intentionally growing it.

"What are you going to do to improve your relationship, your communication?" he asked. "What are you going to do to actually learn to repair faster?"

Find more advice from Dr. Matt Townsend at matttownsend.com.

This story was adapted from a TV broadcast script using artificial intelligence. Every story, including those adapted with AI, is reviewed by a human editor before publication to ensure that KSL's editorial standards are upheld.