The best parenting tool you have isn't complicated. 3 ways curiosity strengthens connection

SALT LAKE CITY — It might be annoying when they ask "why" a hundred times a day, but outside of that, a child's curiosity is one of the best things about them. That same kind of curiosity can be the best parenting tool we have.

Therapist Ginger Healy shared that when we take the time to explore a child's curiosity or field their questions, we tell them that they matter.

"Kids automatically slow down and naturally wonder, what's that? How does that work? Why?" Healy said. "I think we don't necessarily lose curiosity as we get older, but we tend to forget to make space for it."

Healy said adults need to intentionally shift from assuming to wondering. That doesn't necessarily mean asking more questions. It can mean just being present long enough for a child to speak.

"Curiosity isn't always about a question," she explained. "Just being available, that is number one... It leaves room for us to be open to figuring it out and that changes our response."

Strengthen a Sense of Self and Belonging

Healy emphasized that being curious with our children tells them that they matter to us.

"The more we pause and look and really show interest and ask questions, then that is really communicating that they matter," she explained.

Kids aren't going to necessarily remember every answer you give them. But they do remember how it feels when someone slows down and pays attention. Just paying attention can strengthen a child's sense of identity and belonging.

"The pause, that really showing interest," Healy noted, "it really does make a difference."

Over time, those moments help kids build confidence not only in what they know, but in who they are.

Be Present

Healy brought up a therapy concept: attunement.

"It's just that you're being present enough to notice and respond to what's going on with your child," she explained. "It's tuning into their needs."

Healy shared her own personal experience. Her daughter was sitting quietly beside her while she scrolled on her phone. Nothing seemed unusual, but when Healy paused and paid attention, her daughter opened up.

"I put down my phone and just looked at her," she said. "She said, 'Mom, can I talk to you?'"

Healy said she didn't have to solve the problem, she just needed to be there.

Strengthen Our Connection During Challenges

It's easy to be curious when kids are happy and cooperative. It gets harder in the challenging moments.

"When those behaviors come up and we're having a really challenging moment, that's actually when I do want us to pause and get curious," Healy said.

Often, the behavior itself isn't the real issue. She said to try and figure out what might be underneath it instead of immediately correcting behavior. Kids just might not have the words or skills to explain what they're feeling.

"Are they hungry? Are they tired? Are they overwhelmed? Maybe they're anxious," she explained. "They don't yet have the skills to say, 'Here's what's going on.'"

Being curious helps you look past the behavior to see the need beneath it.

Find more advice from Ginger Healy on Instagram, @gingerhealy.

This story was adapted from a TV broadcast script using artificial intelligence. Every story, including those adapted with AI, is reviewed by a human editor before publication to ensure that KSL's editorial standards are upheld.