Estimated read time: 1-2 minutes
SALT LAKE CITY — I looked at my calendar to make sure it wasn't April Fool's Day when I saw this press release. Celebrity chef Bobby Flay and Pepsi got together to make a cologne nobody knew they wanted, and certainly never asked for — "the unmistakable scent combination of Pepsi and a flame-fired grill."
"With notes of smoke, spice, caramel, citrus and more, Pepsi has expertly paired the mouth-watering aroma of a cool, refreshing Pepsi with the sweet and smokey aromatics of a sizzling summer BBQ," the release says.
I'm imagining it smells like your uncle's soda burps after he has invaded your personal space at the family reunion, talking about Bitcoin and aftermarket car parts.
They call it "SMOKED," and claim it's the world's first-ever "cola"ogne.
"You don't even need to fire up the grill to experience the joy of Pepsi and grilling," said Jenny Danzi, a marketing director for Pepsi in the release, "you can bask in the unapologetically delicious scent everywhere you go."
In the unlikely event expert marketeers are reading this, I have some suggestions for new summer scents.
- Cheeto dust and burned engine oil — a collaboration with Guy Fieri.
- Freshly mowed grass with a hint of weed killer, brought to you by Roundup.
- The intoxicating scent of wildfire smoke and the dim light of a red sun, by the Utah Forest Service.
- Racoon dandruff and the deafening crack of an F-35 breaking the sound barrier, courtesy of Hill Air Force Base.
- Wet wool and sanitizer, from your local thrift store.
Unfortunately, Pepsi and Bobby Flay's Franken-smell is only available at the Garden Centers of Walmarts in Denver, Miami and Philadelphia, but with enough mental energy, you can almost catch a whiff from the A/C.
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