SALT LAKE CITY — One word that defines and encompasses social media is connection. It is the underlying purpose of every social app you use and most likely the reason you use it.

Through social media, we can be instantly connected to people on the opposite side of the world. We can be connected to like-minded people we never would have met otherwise. It’s easier than ever to connect to family members who live far away and friends we haven’t seen in 20 years.

Unfortunately, connection inevitably breeds comparison.

This conversation is almost as old as social media itself. We see others who make their online persona to look more exciting and full of joy that it actually is. Then we end up comparing our behind-the-scenes internal monologue with their public highlight reel.

You’ve heard this all before, yet you’re still here reading about how to overcome it, right? Tale as old as time. That is why we need to do more than stop comparing. We need to start connecting.

Change how you use social media

Make sure social media is your servant, not master. You are in control. Instead of endlessly scrolling, interact with your favorite accounts. Send direct messages or talk about similar experiences with others. Seek genuine connection.

Look up and out

The best way to fix an “Eeyore attitude” (woe is me) is to serve others. When you connect with others and make them feel good, you feel good. It’s a win-win situation. As the late President Thomas S. Monson, former president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, so sweetly stated, “It’s better to look up.”

Enjoy the journey, because there is no destination

We are culturally brainwashed to buy into the “if-then” model of happiness. Maybe if I get married, then I’ll be happy. If we have a baby, then I’ll be happy. If I have a big home, then I’ll be happy. Did happiness instantly come, or was it there all along? Now more than ever, we expect instant gratification. We want the gold at the end of the rainbow and forget to take in all the colors along the way.

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Compare yourself to yourself

The only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself. People who are happy use themselves for internal evaluation. It’s not that they don’t notice upward comparisons, but they don’t let that affect their self-esteem. They stay focused on their own improvement.

Turn envy into motivation

If you often find yourself filled with pangs of envy, use those feelings as fuel to push yourself harder. You aren’t going to get anywhere by sitting back and watching your life be lived by others. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.

Curate what you see

You are in control of what you see and don’t see on social media. If there is someone who makes you feel negative or less-than in any way, you are allowed to unfollow them. I do this regularly. And sometimes it changes for me. I might not be able to handle someone one day and be fine with them the next. If you’ve never done this, I encourage you to clean out your accounts. You are the master. Social media is the servant.

Be grateful for what you have

By focusing on what you already have, you train your mind to come from a place of abundance. We have the choice to feel helpless and blame society and others for our problems, or we can view failure as another word for learning and continually grow each day. Happiness is not having what you want; it’s wanting what you have.

The perfectly posed pictures will fade. The numbers will rise and fall. So let’s remember that the most important things in life are the connections we make with others.

Becky Squire is an Ogden native, wife and mother of 4. She enjoys music, running and baking. Becky blogs at beckysquire.com

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