SALT LAKE CITY — In this edition of LIFEadvice, Coach Kim shares the secret to getting direction from your intuition to make the right choices for you in any situation.

Question:

I read your recent article about dating and changing the way you felt about past experiences to help you get brave enough to get out there. My problem is that I am getting older and dating just hasn’t worked and it’s been exhausting and discouraging, so I have reached a point where I have decided not to care anymore. I am focusing on being a happy single person and building a great life alone. I wonder sometimes if this is driven by fear of trying anymore. Is this a healthy mindset to stop looking and give up? I think it would be great to find someone, but I refuse to go anywhere or do anything about it because it just makes me less happy. What do you think on this? Which mindset is better for single people to have?

Answer:

My answer is, it depends. There is no right answer across the board for all single people. What is right for you might be wrong for someone else because the life journey that would serve you best may be different than the one for another.

I've had times when I felt that focusing on my own growth, instead of dating, was right for me. During this time, if I tried to date it wouldn't work. Absolutely nothing would happen because I wasn’t supposed to be there. I've had other times when my intuition nudged me to get out there and date. You are the only one entitled to know what your right mindset and path should be right now. So, you have to look inside yourself for the answer.

This can also apply to people who are struggling in their marriage and trying to figure out if divorce is right for them, or people debating whether to keep a job or start a business. The answers for you have to come from you. You must avoid letting other people tell you what they would do or think is right for you. Your gut feeling is the only thing that matters.

We each have what I call an “inner GPS” that nudges us toward the perfect classroom journey for us. These nudges don’t always lead to the easiest or most painless paths. The right path for you might be a difficult, painful one, but it’s still right because it will teach you the lessons you need.

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The trick is learning to listen to and trust your “inner GPS.” Here are a few suggestions that may make trusting yourself easier:

1. Make sure you're choosing to trust that your value can’t change

No matter what happens, you will still have the same intrinsic worth as everyone else. So, there is no failure on the table at all. This may clear out fears that can get in the way of feeling what your gut is telling you.

2. Choose to trust you are safe in the world and the universe is on your side

Trust that the universe is constantly conspiring to educate and grow you. Trusting this may also clear out fears that get in the way of feeling your intuition.

3. Think the question at hand over and look at all the options and factors involved

Recognize which options feel scariest and sit with them while trusting your journey again. Then, ask yourself, if there was nothing to fear and you could move forward feeling worthy and safe, which option would you choose? You can also use my free value decisions worksheet to help you do this.

4. Make the decision but don’t act on it yet

Try the option on for a few hours or even days assuming that is your final answer.

5. Pay attention to how you feel about your decision

If you are headed the right way you'll feel peaceful, calm and safe. If you're headed on the wrong way, you may feel irritated, anxious and unsettled in it. If you're on the wrong path your inner GPS will let you know. It will keep nudging you — much like your actual GPS does when you didn’t make the right turn.

6. Make adjustments, if needed

If you're on the wrong path, choose the other option and try it on for a few days. See if you can feel peaceful now. If you still have some fear in play, keep choosing to trust you are safe.

In your situation, with dating being the question, I would tell you to watch for nudges. If you keep getting invited to events where you could meet people and you keep feeling like you should go, that is a nudge. If you feel peaceful staying home and off dating sites, and there are no nudges coming, you are probably on the right track. For single people, I generally recommend being trusting in your journey, meaning you could be happy either way. You should be so happy on your own that you don’t need a partner to complete you, but you also should not be scared at all to date and meet people.

Trust that if you're supposed to be in a relationship your inner GPS will nudge you toward it right on time. It isn’t going to let you miss a critical turn. The universe knows what lessons you need next and wants you to live with joy and fulfillment all the time, no matter your situation. Trust this and you will find the right path for you.

You can do this.

Last week's LIFEadvice:

Coach Kim: Processing past emotions using 'time travel'

In this edition of LIFEadvice, Coach Kim shares tools and skills to help change how you feel about past events in your life so you can move forward.

Editor’s Note: Anything in this article is for informational purposes only. The content is not intended, nor should it be interpreted, to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition; Any opinions, statements, services, offers, or other information or content expressed or made available are those of the respective author(s) or distributor(s) and not of KSL. KSL does not endorse nor is it responsible for the accuracy or reliability of any opinion, information, or statement made in this article. KSL expressly disclaims all liability in respect to actions taken or not taken based on the content of this article.

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